The Show.

What Up Crazy Commentator - This is not the first time a What Up has been given to a man with a golden voice, but if you thought he was impressive you haven't heard anything yet. The setting is intense - the 22 games under .500/23.5 games out of first place Raptors vs. the .500 Grizzles. 98-98. The stakes COULDN'T BE HIGHER. Our commentator enthusiastically and demandingly cries defense as if he's the teams last hope for victory, when then - as if sent from the depths of hell to thrash all Raptors in a blood-thirsty, ravaging manner - Rudy Gay emerges. By the sound of our commentators voice you'd think that Rudy Gay was the apocalypse in the form of a basketball player - as if him making the shot will literally destroy all of humanity. The rest, as they say, is history. Rudy drains the shot and Raptors fans everywhere are crushed by the remorse and sorrow this evil man has laid upon them. I think this was a real turning point in the Raptors season. Now, instead of being 21 games under .500, they're 22 games under, and I just don't think they can come back from that. Could they come back from 21 games back? Of course. But this - this is just too much. Better luck next year!
And also, I know what you're asking: isn't this the chocolate guy from Spongebob? You have quite an ear, because that's EXACTLY who it is. I think it's safe to say the guy tends to overreact a bit...

This weeks edition: 'Ol time football, karma, Rex and the Jets, All Star Captains and Al Davis. Yeah, he's still alive.

What Up Old School Football - The Bears and Packers are playing in the NFC Championship game this week and I have a strong urge to watch the game on a black and white TV or listen to it on some old wooden radio. These are two huge rivals who go way back, and the best part is that they play the way they've always played. Gritty, nasty, greasy, hard-hitting, freezing cold football. I love complex offenses and trick plays and all that as much as the next guy, but there's really nothing better than two teams, who are bonded only by the field they share and the hate they mutually feel toward one another, just beating the crap out of each other all day. I'm pretty excited. And I'm also picking the Packers, not because they're better but because they were one of preseason Super Bowl picks, so I need something to brag about since the Ravens decided to make me look dumb.

What Up Karma - You've done it again! Since last week's Lebacle featuring #6 in your programs and some number much higher than 6 in your hearts, the Heat have lost 4 straight, including one to the Clippers, who are well below .500 at this point in the year. LeBron was out with an injury for a few of these games and of course you never want to see a guy get hurt, but it's worth mentioning: don't mess with karma. So I guess LeBron was right about one thing. Karma, you are a b****. And I'm not gonna mess with you. Actually, constantly belittling LeBron probably earns me some good karma right?? I can tell you two aren't really buddy buddy right now. The Heat play the Raptors next so that'll probably put an end to the losing streak but who knows? Miracles have happened before.

Tuesday night the Cleveland Cavaliers were lower than low. They were beaten, embarrassed, humiliated, frustrated - the list goes on. They were the 3rd grader who had lunch money before the 8th grade bully forcefully took it without ever thinking twice. Tuesday night, the Cavaliers - who are the NBA's worst team at the moment - suffered a 55 point loss - yes, 55 - to the Los Angeles Lakers. Blow outs happen, but as if the loss weren't bad enough for the Cavs, in came LeBron James to completely ruin their day. LeBron, who so humbly goes under the name of @kingjames on his twitter account, tweeted that night, "Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!" Good thing we have the wise LeBron James here to divinely and charismatically teach us about how to act in the eyes of God.

Just out of curiosity though, did God see it when LeBron gutlessly, abruptly and unsympathetically abandoned his team so he could get what he wanted the easy way? Did God see when LeBron quit on his team, time and time again, because it was a little bit too hard for him? Did God see LeBron's hour-long special in which LeBron forced all eyes on him while he announced to the world that he would be joining a team of superstars, a move that would surely "earn" him a championship ring? Did God see the pain of the Cleveland fans, who had given LeBron nothing but their hearts and souls during his tenure in Cleveland? How about the pain of the Cavaliers, who only gave him millions of dollars and a chance to become a star? Come to think of it God probably didn't see any of that because LeBron can do no wrong. The self-proclaimed king who, with such vast wisdom and insight, has the power to deem his subordinates - who possess the human-like qualities that he apparently doesn't have - just or unjust, right or wrong. Apparently he is emperor of not only the basketball court but also putting us mortals in our place.

I assume that this tweet may have been a jab at Dan Gilbert, who unceremoniously erupted when LeBron "took his talents" elsewhere this past summer. Or perhaps it was directed at the fans of Cleveland, who publicly and justifiably eliminated any trace of respect or care they had for LeBron in the form of burning #23 jerseys, among other acts of anger and intolerance. However, for LeBron to subject the players of the Cavaliers to further embarrassment and humiliation by saying what happened Tuesday night was just and fair? Unbelievable. These are the same players that he abandoned after giving them hope. These are the same players he gave up on, only to eventually deem them unworthy of sharing the same court and same locker room that he occupied. So what did he do? He rode off on his high horse to bigger and better things, and now that he has a spot on top he believes he can look down on those who weren't good enough for him and tell them how to act, how to behave, and how to do right in the eyes of God. Although his tweet's direct target is ambiguous, it's the principal that remains clear as day: LeBron has put himself above everyone. In his eyes, he's God's right hand man, delivering us the message's from above. The irony and hypocrisy that accompany LeBron's words and actions are truly mind-boggling. In LeBron's mind, this is what happened: God saw how Dan Gilbert and the Cleveland fans reacted to LeBron's actions over the summer, and as punishment God used his wrath to make the Lakers win by 55 points Tuesday night. That seems really logical, because I'm sure God really cares about who wins a basketball game. What I don't get is why didn't LeBron just ask God what he should do instead of making a commercial about it? Oh that's right, because he's literally the most self-obsessed person on earth. Maybe he should've just asked the fans of Cleveland, because they had a few great ideas.

There are plenty of athletes I dislike, but there aren't many athletes I don't have any respect for. I don't like Tom Brady, but I respect the hell out of him. Ok, maybe the whole Ugg thing isn't so respectable, but I still have a lot of respect for the guy. LeBron, however, is a coward. He quit on the Cavaliers. He did it in the playoffs last year when things got hard and he did it in the offseason when he knew things weren't going to get easier. He wants things the easy way. If he had a bad night with the Cavs it was on him, however if he won with the Cavs it was because of him. Now if he has a bad game with the Heat he's got Dwayne Wade there to cover it up and make it like it never happened. He was the guy in Cleveland. He's one of the guys in Miami. However, he still acts like the guy. He acts like it's all about him, because his delusional way of thinking tells him that. When LeBron wins a championship (yes, it's hard to admit, but it became inevitable when he joined the Heat) it will not be because of LeBron James. It'll be because of the Big 3, or the "Heatles," as LeBron called them when he modestly compared his team to the Beatles, or whatever other name they can think of to put themselves in their own league.

Despite his ability to effectively play the villain that everyone hates, I don't think he's playing the role intentionally. I just don't think he's a very smart guy, and as a result he's puts himself in situations where all people can do is cringe and ask, "why is it always about LeBron??" After his tweet blew up he backtracked and tried to hide, perhaps realizing how insanely ridiculous that statement truly was. "It wasn't even a comment from me," he pleaded. "It was someone who sent it to me and I sent it out." Regardless of whether this is true or not his belief in the statement remains.

In this weeks edition we got Steven Stamkos, Marshawn Lynch, Oregon's socks and Russian hockey players/drunks (what's the difference!?).

What Up Steven Stamkos - This isn't exactly a good play, but it made me laugh pretty hard so he has to get some love for that. I love how he looks at his skate for .3 seconds after he gets up, as if he'll actually be able to see what's wrong with it.




What Up Marshawn Lynch - THIS IS HOW YOU RUN A FOOTBALL. Ok so this is what he's thinking during this run, word for word:
"Ok I got the ball but there's way too many guys in front of me... I'm just gonna squeeze through here real quick, 'scuse me... K finally some daylight now - oh hey two guys trying to tackle me. Yeah I'm probably just gonna keep running, just lettin' ya know... and yeah #33 I'll see ya later pal. Oh hey #22 what's up? Yeah I'm just gonna throw you down to the ground with one arm real quick, thanks for comin' out though... K finally I got a little room to myself - wait who's that behind me? #92? Yeah I'm almost in the endzone so I'm just gonna go ahead and break your tackle too... Lol I love how Hasselbeck is running along with me pretending like he's gonna block someone. Wow I am REALLY tired, woah hey #41 nice try buddy and weeeeeeeeee! Finally, took long enough, and WOW I am tired, that was not worth it. Ok maybe it was cause lol we shouldn't even be in the playoffs!!! Haha how embarrassed are the Saints right now!? How do you lose to the Seahawks!? smh."
Literally word for word.




What Up Oregon's Socks - I didn't even see the game when I was watching, I was just looking at the socks... Who ended up winning?



What Up Russian Hockey - The Russians entered the final of the World Junior hockey tournament as heavy underdogs and for 2 periods they effectively lived up to that expectation. However, down 3-0 with about 15 minutes left in the third period, the Rooski's began a rally that would culminate with 5 unanswered goals, stunning Canadian fans as well as the rest of the hockey world. And to make things even better, they were kicked off their flight home for being too drunk. This is a beautiful thing. Gotta hand it to them - they know how to win and they know how to celebrate, chipped teeth n' all.

I like to compare attempts to get a college football playoff to field goal attempts. Time and time again field goal units are sent out onto the field - sometimes in the form of sports writers, sometimes in the form of polls involving college football players, and sometimes in the form of the President of the US - in hopes of putting the metaphorical ball through the metaphorical uprights which sharply divide the realm of fiction and idea from the realm of non-fiction and reality. Over the years attempts have been abruptly rejected by an extremely formidable defense that seems to block every field goal attempt they're faced with. Over the past year, however, it seemed as though a stronger field goal unit was being recruited through the attempts and persuasions of many important people with a lot of say. Many thought this attempt had a real chance of putting points on the board. Along with the momentum built with this unit came a bowl season filled to the brim with disinteresting and lopsided games; it was as if the stars were aligning and the quest for a playoff was nearly within grasp. There we were, watching our metaphorical football sailing over those who usually block it, silently yet authoritatively deeming all attempts futile. Then, just when we thought the ball was going to gently float through the uprights into the realm of reality, a torrential gust of wind came and sailed the ball wide left. Oh, so close. That gust of wind has a name, by the way: the Tostitos National Championship Game. That's right. Just when we thought we had a chance, the championship game - the final of all the frustratingly pointless and insignificant bowl games - ruined most hope we had in our new field goal unit.

There's one thing on the mind of Philadelphia sports fans right now, and that's playoff football. After an exciting season the Eagles enter the playoffs after going 10-6 and claiming the NFC East. Their opponent, the Green Bay Packers, also went 10-6 and earned an NFC wild card spot. This game is between two dangerous offenses and in the end it'll most likely come down to which quarterback can make the least amount of mistakes.

This week we have Canadian hockey fans, the Stanford Women's basketball team, Rick Reilly, The Beatles and Ted Williams. Also, some unlucky fans will receive the most dishonorable award in sports.